365 days.

I've always tried to keep a journal but to be honest, I'm not nearly dedicated enough. So I settle for once a year, on the night before my birthday, writing in a journal to keep  a record of what's happened in the past 52 weeks of my life. 

It's always a good mix of "Aw's" and "Ugh's" when re-reading old entries. 

I am horribly embarrassed by how much space is wasted by who the ridiculous crush of the month was. 
I am reminded of the hard things that happened that shaped me into the person I am today.
I am able to reminisce on the great times with great people that I've been blessed to experience. 

Reading last years entry made me laugh especially hard.

For once– I was so sure that I had gotten my life figured out. I was officially valedictorian, I'd been accepted into the college of my dreams, I had great friends and school was going really well. 
I wrote that I was going to go to Corban University, and I was going to become a teacher, and that I really liked someone and thought it was going to work out. 

Then life happened. 

The last thing I wrote in that entry was "let's see what my life looks like a year from now."
Well it's been a year and things are definitely not what I had in mind as the clock struck 12 on my 18th birthday. 

I am not at Corban; I'm currently attending Chemeketa Community College. 
I am not planning on becoming a teacher; I want to go into Children's ministry.
And it didn't work out. 

365 days ago I had plans. But that's the thing about plans– they change. Or rather, God changes them for us. And it's a good thing too. I'm a horrible planner. I've never thrown a good party, I always forget something when I go on vacation and something always seems to go amiss in even the most mundane things like trying to get out the door for school on time. 
So why do I think it's a good idea to try and plan my own life?!

Now, I must admit that in the moment, I'm not always so happy with God when he changes my plans It's like He's just pulled me out of the way of an oncoming train (i.e myself) and I'm mad at Him for hurting my arm. 
But looking back, I know that every bump along the way, every u-turn and wrong turn and pit stop has somehow  been for my benefit and I am thankful for the way my life has turned out so far. 

Another thing about change, is it never happens all at once. It happens day by day, so that you almost don't notice it happening. But 365 small changes add up to make a big difference when you look back on it. 

So here's to another year, another 365 little changes, another 52 weeks of wrong turns, and 525,949 minutes for God to prove that He's in control and that He knows best. 

Let's see what my life looks like a year from now.

Proverbs 16:9New King James Version (NKJV)

A man’s heart plans his way,But the Lord directs his steps.

Romans 8:28New King James Version (NKJV)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I am a friend of God.

Have you ever been surrounded by hundreds of people and yet felt alone?

That's how I've felt many times since moving to Salem. 

I went from seeing my friends every single day at school, eating lunch at a table with 10 other people, literally hundreds of people I'd seen every day for the past 4 years to a school where I could count the people I knew on one hand.

If you know me- you know I like to talk.

 A lot. 

Suddenly, there's no one to talk to. I go to class, I eat lunch alone, I go to another class, I go home. Repeat.

I was lonely, I was angry, I was homesick. 

Since when was making friends this hard?

Why didn't anyone like me?

What was I doing wrong?

When there's no one to talk to, you begin to realize that everything you say really isn't that important after all and that talking just to hear yourself talk is pointless. You start to see that wanting everyone to listen to you is a very self-centered way to live your life. So instead of just yelling louder, hoping someone will hear or notice you, you stop, and you shut your mouth for a minute.

 And when you're finally quiet you can finally hear the voice of God. 

Then you realize that there's been someone to talk to all along. Someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who has been reaching out to you all this time. Someone who you were too busy running your mouth to pay any attention to. 

Sometimes you have to be separated from all the other relationships in your life to see that you've been neglecting the one relationship that actually matters. 

When you fill your life with friends, social events, and get togethers; when you turn to friends and family for a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen it's easier to forget how much you need God. 

But once you start seeking God first and foremost, once you run into His arms, you'll wonder how you ever thought you needed anyone else. 

So when you feel like no one is listening- maybe it's time to stop talking and instead turn your eyes and ears toward Heaven and find a friend in the one who will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Hebrews 13:5New King James Version (NKJV)

5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

John 15:15New King James Version (NKJV)

15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.

Psalm 46:10aNew King James Version (NKJV)

10 Be still, and know that I am God...